


Semi Adult With Responsible Like Tendencies

by Violet_Witch



Series: Everbody lies in the cave [4]
Category: Red Robin (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Adulting is hard, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grocery Shopping, M/M, Stray!Tim, background bluepulse, like barely there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-30 19:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17229908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violet_Witch/pseuds/Violet_Witch
Summary: Tim pouted up at him, but Kon ignored it. “Stray-” yesStray,they had just finished fighting a giant robot andthiswas what Kon wanted to do to celebrate- “you are a grown ass adult living on his own and you still don’t know how to grocery shop.”Or the one where Tim and Kon are two idiots in love and don’t have a clue how to grocery shop. Guest appearence by a Sweet Summer Child. (Can be read standalone or as a part of the series)





	Semi Adult With Responsible Like Tendencies

**Author's Note:**

> I suddenly remembered that angst isn’t the only kind of fic I like to write, so have some shameless fluff to bring in the new year! They deserve it.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me.”

“Nope.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing this.”

Tim turned on his heel and started to walk away, but Kon grabbed his tail (removable of course, but Kon had become a _master_ of applying just enough pressure to stop him in his tracks and not enough to pull the tail right off) and yanked him back.

“Yes, you are.” Tim pouted up at him, but Kon ignored it. “Stray-” yes _Stray,_ they had just finished fighting a giant robot and _this_ was what Kon wanted to do to celebrate- “you are a grown ass adult living on his own and you still don’t know how to grocery shop.”

Tim glared up at the chain store grocery sign like it had offended him. “I know how to grocery shop,” he grumbled, barely restraining his foot from stamping.

Kon snorted. “No, you don’t. I’ve seen your pantry babe, it looks like the candy display in a corner store. The only thing you keep well stocked is coffee.”

“Okay fine, maybe I don’t go ‘grocery shopping’,” Tim put air quotes around the offending words to emphasize his point, “but I’ll have you know I keep a supply of Alfred’s frozen lasagna at all times. It’s not like I’m starving.”

“Oh yeah?” His eyebrow cocked challengingly. “What did you have for dinner last night?”

Tim’s answer died on his tongue. Okay, so maybe he’d neglected his baser needs a _little,_ but he’d been working on a case! He didn’t have time to eat. “Fine. You have _one_ good point.”

Smiling triumphantly, the half kryptonian said, “This is happening kitty-cat. Make it easier on yourself and come willingly.”

The bickering couple was starting to attract a small audience of curious shoppers, but no one dared come close. Superboy and Stray may be friendly, but a Superman clone who showed up out of nowhere with anger issues and a standoffish personality (no matter how long ago that had been) didn’t exactly invite approach. Stray wasn’t much better considering his ‘parents’ were the Big Bad Bat and _Catwoman_.

“If it helps convince you, plan A was to hand you over to Nightwing and Agent A.”

Tim involuntarily flinched. “ _Fine,_ ” he whined, dragging out the word. “But do _you_ even know how to grocery shop?”

“Well, no,” Kon admitted. “I’ve never even set foot in a grocery store, but I figured we could learn together.”

Time narrowed his eyes. “I hate you for being so adorable.”

“Nah, you love me.” He kissed Tim’s cheek and laced their fingers together easily.

How was Tim supposed to stay angry at _that?_ They entered the store hand in hand.

By silent mutual agreement, Tim pushed the cart. It was trickier than he’d anticipated because the front wheel wobbled and made it damn near impossible to keep it going in a straight line, but better him than Kon who might accidently crush the thing.

When they stepped into the actual store, Tim nearly got whiplash from the tonal shift. It reminded him of the first time he’d stepped through a portal, and suddenly popped up in a completely different part of the world, if he’d even ended up on Earth at all.

Rows and rows of food seemed to sprawl in every direction. He’d never quite imagined a grocery store would be this big. He supposed he’d never thought about it at all. The fluorescent lighting kept the place well lit in an artificial sort of way and Tim had to imagine it would look the same day and night. In fact, an apocalypse could probably be raging outside, and those lights wouldn’t change in the slightest. It didn’t help that they made the already tired patrons even paler.

Tim fought the instinct to reach for his weapons. They were civilians, not zombies. Probably.

“Did you make a list or something? How exactly does this work?” Tim asked, partially out of curiosity and partially to break the awkward silence that had fallen as they took in their new surroundings.

Kon faltered. “Er, this was kind of a spur of the moment thing. You know how it is, giant robot smashes you into a car and when you look up you see a grocery sign and randomly remember that teaching your boyfriend how to take care of himself is at the top of your to-do list.”

“Real helpful cloneboy.” Neither of them moved. “I have literally never been more aware of how f-ed up we are.”

“Yeah, well at least we can be f-ed up together,” Kon returned. “C’mon.”

As Kon led him further into the store Tim marvelled at the complete indifference of its shoppers. No one even bothered to look at the two heroes as they strolled into the produce section. Maybe it was a dimensional rift afterall. Like, they were all in the same place, but on different planes so they couldn’t interact. But that wouldn’t explain why _he_ could see everyone.

Tim dismissed this theory when he saw a lady politely move her cart so an elderly man could pass, giving him a tight smile. Okay, so they _could_ see each other. They were just busy doing their own thing. Was that what shopping was like? The only experience Tim had was with Steph or in very expensive suit shops. It wasn’t exactly the most varied sample set.

He was thinking about this way to much.

“I’m probably going to regret asking,” Kon said, pulling Tim from his theorizing, “but when was the last time you ate something that classified as a fruit and wasn’t covered in sugar?”

“Um… ” Tim screwed up his face in thought as he picked up an apple and twirled it experimentally in his hands. “Summer of ‘15- no ‘14 and it was on a dare.”

They both burst out laughing. Tim decided to get the apple.

It was easier with Kon there. Easier when they could joke about his shitty eating habits and their mutual weirdness instead of letting it be depressing. Maybe Tim had never been to a grocery before, but he was learning now and that had to count for something.

“There’s no way you’re gonna eat that much meat.”

“Of course not, you’re gonna help me,” Tim said dismissively, adding the steaks to their cart.

They’d been dating for a while, so it was utterly ridiculous for something so simple to still make Kon blush. He blushed anyway.

Kon pulled them past the sugary cereal isle despite Tim’s protests, skipping to the bread aisle instead. “How much bread do you think you’ll need?”

“Depends. Is Kid Flash going to come and clean my pantry out?”

“That’s the danger of actually possessing food when you’re friends with a speedster. Better get used to it.”

Tim stopped in his tracks. “We should adopt Kid Flash.”

Kon stopped too. “I’m sorry, _what?_ I don’t think I heard that right.”

Tim put on his best Stray smile. It would be more effective if his puppy dog eyes weren’t blocked by his goggles, but he’d have to make due. “Why not? He clearly needs a guiding hand, and someone needs to give Blue the shovel talk. Wait- holy shit, _did we forget to give Blue the shovel talk?_ ” Kon couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “Honey, this is serious! Our darling summer child has probably been defiled because we forgot to talk to them about the birds and the bees.” Maybe he was laying it on a bit thick, and he was definitely drawing inspiration from Steph, but Kon was doubled over with laughter and that made it worth it.

“Was that even english?” he wheezed.

The corners of Tim’s mouth twitched upwards until he could no longer keep a straight face. “Darling, light of my life, my moon and stars, the only man for me, will you make me the happiest cat in the world and adopt a superpowered adult from the future with me?”

Kon fought down his laughter until he could deadpan, “It would be an honor.”

“I’ll have to tell Batsy he’s a grandpa now.”

“Oh my god, Batman is going to kill me.”

“If you survived Red Hood when we first started dating, you can survive Batman.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Tim pursed his lips, squeezing Kon’s arm to feel for muscle. “Hmm… ” He hung off Kon’s arm and leaned into his side. “You can totally take him.”

Suppressing a laugh Kon smiled down at his boyfriend. “Your faith in me is both touching and completely unconvincing.”

“And I find your _lack_ of faith… _disturbing._ ”

Kon rolled his eyes. “C’mon, let’s finish up before Batman senses his name and jumps out from behind the granola bars with a shard of kryptonite.”

When they walked through the pharmacy isle, Tim threw in a bottle of vitamins along with about seven different kinds of pills. Kon didn’t mention it.

And Tim appreciated that, but it didn’t stop him from muttering, “Stupid ninjas with their fucking swords and shady splenectomies… “

Kon distracted him from his sudden sour mood by saying, “How does an apple keep a doctor away?”

His mouth twitched. “How?”

“You throw it really hard.”

Tim stared at him. Blinked. Kept staring. Snorted. “That was horrible.”

The whole trip took over an hour by the time they were done.

Along the way someone must have finally noticed them because a small group of teenagers showed up and started following them at a distance while squealing to one another in hushed voices. Tim leaned into his boyfriend and whispered, “We’re gonna have to lose the ducklings before we head home.”

Kon smirked, wrapping his arms around Tim’s waist and pulling the smaller boy against his chest. “I love it when you say that word.”

“What? Home?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, if we hurry _home_ , I have a surprise for you.”

Paying for the groceries turned out to be a little more complicated than expected.

Tim couldn’t exactly use his credit card, and Kon didn’t carry money. “Would it be ethically wrong for me to use money we, er, _liberated_ from our most recent bad guy to pay for these?”

“Probably?” Kon said, his voice edged with doubt.

Tim addressed the cashier, “Do you take stolen gems?”

“...no?” The cashier’s eyes darted between them, looking more flustered by the second.

Tim would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it which may or may not have been the reason he turned to Kon and asked, “Do you think Kid Flash would bring me some cash if I texted him?”

“What city are we in again?”

Tim pretended to think it over before turning back on the cashier with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, we travel a lot… ”

“P-Providence.”

Tim turned to Kon like that settled it. “He’s nearby.”

Kon let out a small sigh. “Go ahead then.”

Bart picked up on the first ring.

“My child, can you do me a supersonic favor?”

 _“Okay, we are definitely talking about_ that _development later… what do you need?_ ”

“Can you grab the cash in the bedside drawer of Superboy’s room-” Kon made a sound in the back of his throat that fell somewhere between exasperation and amusement- “and bring it to the grocery store on 5th and Hamilton?”

The line fell dead, but by the time the poor cashier had swiped their last item, Bart was standing in full costume with an armful of food and a hand full of cash.

“Can I get these?” he asked, pouting at the both of them and gesturing to the virtual mountain of snacks he was holding.

Tim looked at Kon. “See? He’s already basically our child. Can we keep him? Please?”

Bart dropped the food on the conveyor belt. “W- _What?_ ”

“Nothing,” Tim said innocently.

Once a very red cashier finished ringing them up, the three heroes left.

“You wanna place bets on what tomorrow's headline will be?”

“‘Local teenage hero kidnapped by rapscallions’”

“‘Stray defiles Superboy in local grocery’”

“You wound me,” Tim deadpanned.

“And you’re apparently trying to adopt me?”

“Do you object?” Kon challenged.

“Yes!” Bart fidgeted, adjusting the groceries in his arms for perhaps the hundredth time in half as many seconds. “Maybe? Wait- why are you trying to adopt me?”

Tim considered it for a moment, putting some thought into his answer. “Let’s see… Kon and I are in a stable relationship, I just moved into my new apartment, and I need to uphold the long standing Bat tradition of adopting every sad child I see.”

“I’m not sad!” Bart interjected. Tim raised an eyebrow. “Anymore.”

“And we’re happy about that, but you still need love and support. Lots of it. All the time. Doctors orders.”

Bart blushed before suddenly perking up. “Wait, if you adopt me, does that make me part Bat?”

Tim tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Hmm… if I say yes, will you accept that you’re my child?”

“What is this, a negotiation?”

“Everything always is.”

Bart pursed his lips. “Fine. If I get an invite to the next Bat family potluck, I’ll let you adopt me, but you’re adopting Jaime too.”

The gleam in Tim’s eye probably meant danger, but Kon had learned to love that look so he didn’t bring it up. “Deal, but Jaime gets son-in-law privileges only.”

“You have yourself a son.”

Tim grinned triumphantly, taking Bart’s offered hand and shaking it. “Wonderful. Bring Jaime over tomorrow for celebratory dinner?”

“Sure. Want me to drop these at your place so you two can shake the press?” Bart asked, gesturing to the groceries and then the group of teenagers _still_ following them from the grocery.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Speedster delivery, at your service,” Bart said with a wink as he, along with their groceries, disappeared.

“I can’t believe he agreed to that,” Kon said, still in a daze.

“What can I say? I’m a master negotiator.” Tim stood on his toes to kiss Kon. “Race you to the apartment,” he murmured against Kon’s lips.

By the time Kon opened his eyes, Tim was long gone. “Wait, that’s not even in this state!”

A laugh echoed, and how did Tim do that? Seriously. It reminded Kon uncannily of the first Robin when they’d first started working together.

Kon found himself laughing in return as he jumped into the air.

***

By the time Kon touched down in front of Tim’s apartment (subtly, he wasn’t an imbecile) Tim was already in the shower.

He briefly entertained the notion of joining him, but decided against it in the end. Instead he started putting away the groceries.

It wasn’t like Tim already had an organization system in place, so technically he couldn’t care if Kon did things wrong. Wait, did Tim’s OCD extend to grocerys? It clearly didn’t extend to feeding himself right, so groceries were a non-issue… right?

Just in case, Kon tried to keep everything in a place that made sense. It was actually a pretty good distraction from the sound of running water.

Luckily for Kon’s heart, Tim was wearing an oversized sweatshirt when the water turned off and he finally entered the kitchen. Unluckily, it wasn’t clear if there was a pair of shorts under there.

Kon averted his eyes, blushing faintly as he stared fixedly at the ceiling. “I uh, put away the groceries.”

When Tim didn’t so much as laugh at him, Kon looked back at him. “Tim? You okay?”

He was leaning against the counter, watching Kon closely. He wasn’t smiling _exactly,_ but there was a soft look in his eye that somehow seemed more intimate.

“What? Is there something on my face?” Kon teased gently

Tim did laugh at that. “No… no, it’s just… ” Biting his lip, he continued slowly, “You know I love you-”

“-how many breakups start,” Kon joked.

Tim pushed off the counter to enter Kon’s personal space, running his hands over Kon’s chest. “Trust me, this is _not_ a break up.”

Kon couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Tim kissed him, sliding his arms around Kon’s neck and slotting their lips together with practiced ease.

Kon wrapped his arms around Tim’s waist and pulled the smaller into him. It was just so _easy._ Kissing Tim felt like the natural state of the world. Like a buzz beneath his skin and a calm in his head at the same time.

Raoh, he wanted to do it for the rest of his life.

When Tim pulled away, Kon chased his lips for a moment. Tim giggled. Kon loved that sound too.

“As I was saying; I love you.” He said it like he was saying the sky was blue. Fact. Unchangeable. “And I think you should have this.”

“What… ” Kon started to ask, but stopped when Tim pulled Kon’s hand off his waist and pressed a small box into it.

He shot Tim a curious look before pulling away just enough to open the box.

He wasn’t sure what his face did when he saw its contents, but it made Tim laugh softly.

“I hope it’s not too soon?”

Kon stared at the key. “Is this… ?”

“Yeah.” Kon was speechless. “I mean, not that you need it, super strength and all. Really, the gift is more all the passwords to my security system so Jason doesn’t show up in response to my distress signal and shoot your balls off because you tried to sneak in the window, but that seemed less romantic? So I just gave you the key and I can give you the rest before you leave. You can use it whenever you want obviously- which I’m hoping is a lot. I left you a drawer too. I mean, I don’t exactly have a lot of stuff myself, but I thought you might want somewhere to-”

“ _Thank you._ ”

Tim leaned contentedly into the hand that Kon brought a hand up to gently brush a stray lock of hair away from his face.

“I love you,” Kon said reverently.

Sharp blue eyes that had always reminded Kon of ice looked up at him through thick lashes. He’d never felt warmer. "I know.”

Kon snorted ducking his head. “Does that make me Leia? ‘Cause I can totally rock the space princess vibe.”

“No one could do it better.”

“Oh, you bet nerf-herder.”

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

“As you wish.” Kon swooped Tim up into a kiss, lifting him off his feet and spinning them in a circle.

“Kon?”

“Yeah?”

“I think we forgot to get milk.”

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this on being forced to grocery shop, and a 1am muse.


End file.
